He Says/She Says: Grosse Pointe Blank

He Says

by Thom Yee

Grosse Pointe Blank poster

Grosse Pointe Blank images courtesy of Buena Vista Pictures

Remember when you’d talk to your high school guidance counselor?  He’d ask you what you would do if you had a million dollars, if you didn’t have to work.  And invariably whatever you’d say was supposed to be your career.  So, if you wanted to fix old cars you’re supposed to be an auto mechanic.

Hopefully the reason that sounds familiar to you is because you can pick out movie quotes pretty easily and not because it’s a reflection of your life.  It’s a cliche.  I never spoke to my high school guidance counselor; I’m not even sure if my high school had one.  Frankly, I don’t think I’ve ever had a serious conversation about what I wanted to do with anyone.  Careers are a tough thing to get a handle on.  When somebody asks you what you do, do you just tell them where you work?  What your title is?  What you actually do?  Or do you make something up that sounds a little more impressive?  Are you happy with where you’ve ended up?  Is it at all what you imagined?  Does it even vaguely resemble what you would do if you had a million dollars?

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She Says/He Says: The King’s Speech

She Says

by Grace Crawford

King's Speech poster 1

All The King’s Speech images courtesy of Momentum Pictures and the Weinstein Company

Like you, Thom, I am an Anglophile. I love all things British, from their flag to their television programming to their remarkably civilized and emotionally understated mannerisms (they make tea in the middle of crises. How delightful). But perhaps one of the things I love best is their astonishingly photogenic royal family. Yes, I’m one of those people (but my practicality beats out my romanticism every time; for example, I watched Will and Kate’s wedding on YouTube like seven hours after it happened, because let’s be realistic here, they got married at like four in the morning my time and I like sleep more than I like them, no matter how adorable they are).

I’ve always had a fascination with royalty. Not in a “I want to wear a crown and have high tea every single day and make everyone call me a pretty princess” kind of way, but in a “how interesting these people are to study” kind of way. It seems so strange to me that, a long time ago, we chose people to be our leaders. And hundreds of years later, we exalted those people’s descendants to celebrity status, even if it occasionally ended in revolution and widespread destruction. Some people like the royals and some people don’t, and it’s become an increasingly common topic of conversation because of the aforementioned couple of Cambridge, whose engagement, marriage, and first child have completely dominated the media over the last few years.

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He Says/She Says: Transformers the Movie (1986)

He Says

by Thom Yee

movie poster

All Transformers the Movie images courtesy of Hasbro, Marvel Productions, Sunbow Productions, Toei Animation, and De Laurentiis Entertainment Group.

When I was growing up, I had a lot of friends.  Some good, some not so good, some who would eventually become bitter enemies.  But they all had ambitions.  They wanted to be somebody.  Some wanted to become policemen, some firemen, some wanted to work with computers.  One of them, even as a child, knew that he wanted to go into investment banking.  And even in my wavering, barely conscious understanding of who I was and who I was supposed to be, even I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up:

I wanted to be a Transformer.

I saw Transformers the Movie at just the right time for it to leave an indelible mark in the psyche of my older-on-the-inside young soul.  It’s a movie that I remember every part of almost word-for-word.  It had massive battles.  It had the hero’s journey in all of its reluctant-hero, supreme-ordeal, seizing-the-sword glory.  It even had undertones of romance as I’m sure there was something going on between the Autobots Springer and Arcee (the only canonical female Transformer that I’m aware of).

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The World’s End

by Thom Yee

World's End - poster

The World’s End images courtesy of Universal Pictures and Focus Features

I like British stuff.  British cars, British landmarks… even British people.  There’s just something about their fundamental sensibilities, a mix of pride, integrity and understanding combined with an over-developed sense of perversion.  Now that’s pretty easy to say having not grown up there and having never visited, but everything British I’ve been exposed to — whether it was the Daniel Craig James Bonds, football hooligans, Warren Ellis, or even Top Gear — all seemed to have a certain wit (even if it didn’t need to), a certain understanding that there’s always more under the surface and that that’s where everything important is.  When it comes to British comedy, it’s not about landing jokes, it’s about hiding something funny in everything you say and the certain understanding that the only audiences worth pursuing are the ones picking up what you’re putting down.  It’s not about fast-paced wisecracks or sophistication (and in many ways it’s the polar opposite of those), it’s the winking notion that you only really recognize if you get it.  That moment at the end when you lay your soul bare to the only person you’ve ever really cared about, and all they say, all they have to say is, “I know.”

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Hot Fuzz

by Grace Crawford

hot fuzz poster

Images courtesy of StudioCanal, Working Title Films, Big Talk Productions, and Universal Pictures.

I watch a lot of American Dad. I think it’s because, when my day is over and I’m home from work, I don’t want to do any more writing. I just want to sit down, turn off my brain, and watch some stupid cartoons. And that’s what American Dad, along with every other show backed by Seth MacFarlane, is about: turning off your brain to watch something that will almost certainly make you dumber. Maybe it’s because it’s American. (Probably not.) Maybe it’s because it’s a cartoon. (But that’s about 50-50 odds.) Maybe it’s because it’s MacFarlane. (Almost certainly. You never see these problems with Matt Groening.)

And I have yet to see these problems with British comedy.

There are more than a few people who wonder why I love the Brits so much. They drink a lot of tea. They have silly accents. They produce some of the world’s finest writing and entertainment. And they have a queen, who is just adorable and who I want to call Nanna Lizzie, like, just so bad. You don’t even know. (As I’m Canadian, I could probably be beheaded for that, so I really hope she’s not one of our readers. On the off chance she is, hello, ma’am. I love your hats. Quite fetching.)

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Shaun of the Dead

by Thom Yee

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Shaun of the Dead images courtesy of Rogue Pictures

As much as our popular conceptions of zombies come from 1968 and George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead, the zombie has existed in one form or another since the Bronze Age of man.  These days, people talk about zombies like they’re some sort of fad, a phenomenon that can most easily be traced back to late 2010 when The Walking Dead (the TV show) started gaining attention on an international level, but I don’t feel like zombies are ever going to go away like the vampire fad.  The thing that separates them from their horror contemporaries in popular media is that zombies never really had to sell out.  There’s an inherent strength in the concept that transcends the need for short-sighted, ruinous contemporizing like sparkling in sunlight or… I don’t actually know anything else about Twilight.

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Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging

by Grace Crawford

movie poster

All Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging images courtesy of Nickelodeon Movies and Paramount Pictures.

I’m actually super impressed with you at the moment. Yes, you, dear reader. Know why? Because you willingly (or maybe you were coerced; I really don’t know how you ended up on our site in the first place) clicked on a link that almost certainly had the words “thongs” and “snogging” in it, even though you most likely had no idea who Angus was. (He’s a cat.) And I think that shows courage on your part, because you’re bracing yourself for the inevitable wave of tampons and estrogen that’s about to rain down on your head.

Well, fear not, dear reader. I fully intend for this to be the only romantic comedy I ever review. And if, by some wild stretch of the imagination, I end up gushing on about some Ryan Gosling piece six months from now, I give you permission to say nasty things in the comments section. (But not too mean, please; I’m a delicate flower and I cry easily.)

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Simul-Review: The Wolverine

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by Thom Yee and Grace Crawford

The Wolverine images courtesy of 20th Century Fox

The Wolverine images courtesy of 20th Century Fox

Thom:  If you asked me who my favourite member of the X-Men is, I would say Cyclops, a character I understand because he grew up shy and unsure of himself and became a hero through discipline and belief in a worthy cause.  He’s also got a great design; if you see him in a comic book, that distinctive visor — something he needs to wear at all times to not kill anyone just by looking at them — tells you right away what his power is.   If you asked me who my second favourite X-Man is, I would say Colossus, because he’s another example of great character design.  If you asked me my third, I would say Sunspot — who’s more of an extended member as he was never a full-on X-Man — for the same reason (and I love Kirby Krackle).

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