Opening this Weekend


Trolls World Tour

Box Office Predictions

  1. What’s that? Things are opening back up?
  2. So there’s a cure then? No?
  3. Well surely rates of infection have improved then? They’re going up?
  4. Well at least people know how to behave in public now, right? No!?!

What You Should See

Aaannd we’re back.  Sort of.  Well, not really.

But the movies are back!  Sort of.


Not really.

You may have heard that movie theatres in Edmonton are finally opening this weekend, which is why I decided to update this Edmonton-based movie blog of mine after a more-than-month-long hiatus, but what you should know is that, with only one exception, there are no NEW movies at the theatres.  Also, replace the word ‘the’ in “the movie theatres are finally opening” with ‘some’.  “Some” as in four area movie theatres are opening, though two of them aren’t actually in the city, with South Edmonton Common, the Princess, the St. Albert Landmark, and Leduc Cinemas comprising your choices.

So what kind of movie is Irresistible, the movie that technically ushers us into this new age of seeing movies in public while a yet-to-be-cured respiratory illness still very much lingers in the air?  It’s a politically charged comedy from first second-time director Jon Stewart (no, not that John Stewart) that, unfortunately, doesn’t look that good.  And that should be coming to VOD, so not a lot of reason to go out and see it.  It’s at the Princess.  Meanwhile, Trolls World Tour technically counts as a new theatrical release in that this will be the first time you’ll be able to see it in theatres, but the movie, originally planned for a May 1st release, has been available for home streaming for quite a while and comes out on Blu-ray next Tuesday.  So I probably wouldn’t go out to see that either.  Not if it’s a matter of life and death anyway.  It’s at St. Albert and Leduc.

And look, I want to support local businesses, especially the local theatre businesses, but, from what I’ve observed in the few times I’ve had to be outside with other people lately… well… you people suck.  And if history’s anything to go by, a lot of people who go to movie theatres suck too.  There’s always someone if not several people talking too loud or on their phone without having turned their brightness down or who brought their still-prone-to-crying-in-public kids, and there’s always, always, always at least one person coughing up a storm.  And that’s really the thesis statement of this week’s post, which I’ll go ahead and spell out here if it hasn’t become obvious by now:  You’re all terrible at COVID-19.  And until that changes, movies the likes of Irresistible and Trolls World Tour will have to suffer.

The important thing for us to remember about our current COVID-19 virus precautions is that NONE OF THEM should be political and NONE OF THEM ARE too much to ask.  Here’s the gist:

  1. Wash your hands thoroughly. Twenty seconds or more and all over.
  2. Feel sick? Stay home!
  3. Stay six feet apart. At least.
  4. Wear a mask at least in large gathering places.
  5. Stay safe and look out for each other.

And really, when you look at all of that, each of these requests are just asking you to be a person who doesn’t suck.   Cleaning yourself properly?  Keeping your germs to yourself?  Those things were never NOT good ideas!  Respecting others’ space and staying out of the way?  There’s rarely ever a reason to be much closer than six feet even in normal circumstances and you should always be mindful of others’ personal space.  Don’t be that guy who chooses the middle of the hallway or doorway to stand still and get in everyone’s way.  Don’t be that guy who pushes their way into the elevator — let other people off first.  It’s being polite and it’s more efficient.  Fake coughing around people because they’re wearing a mask?  That would ALWAYS have been a dick move no matter what you believe about the state of public health.  Not making fun of people for their beliefs just because you don’t share them (particularly when those beliefs are based on facts and the advice of experts in their fields)?  That’s how we should ALWAYS behave.  Pandemic or not.

Until enough people can take these basic measures of mutual respect to heart or until we have a real treatment for COVID (or, if we’re really lucky, both those things happen), I don’t know if I can really ever recommend seeing a movie in public again.

Not until Tenet comes out, anyway.  Whenever that might be.