Mean Girls with Murder

by Grace Crawford

All images courtesy of Cinemarque Entertainment and New World Pictures. 

When I was in high school (yes, I realize a lot of my reviews start this way), it wasn’t one of those massive schools where no one knows your name and a bunch of uber-popular people rule over it all. There were about 60 kids in my graduating class, and I knew every one of them by name, even if I wasn’t friends with them.

There was no ruling caste. No one was that influential. True, it was cliquey in that friends tended to hang out with friends and didn’t stray into other organized groups, and the kids whose parents were more involved in the running of the school saw more benefits than the kids whose parents weren’t. But for the most part those kids were pretty nice people, so I don’t think anyone minded too much.

So I feel like maybe I missed out on some crucial high school experience, because movies keep telling me that everyone at school is either a queen bee or a nerd. If you’re the former you’re a b*tch, and if you’re the latter then you’d best get out of the way. And that’s the world where Heathers takes place.

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Ooh, help me, Doctor Zaius

by Thom Yee

Images courtesy of 20th Century Fox

There’s been a pervasive sentiment over most of the last century, and especially into this one, that humanity is some uncompassionate, unthinking destructive force entirely responsible for the widespread devastation brought to this planet, be it the ozone depletion of the 1980s, climate change of the mid-2000s, or today’s modern fracking technologies leading directly to huge upticks in seismic activity. Carried through to its logical conclusion — that a mass increase in the intelligence of apes will coincide with a human-eradicating virus and the inevitable destruction of our planet by us maniacs blowing it up — and you arrive at the increasingly likely conclusion of a planet full of apes as the alpha species.

But I don’t know, I’m not so convinced that the apes, in a similar position to what humans have been in over the last 2,000 years (if you’re a Bible Belter), would really have done all that much better. Continue reading →

by Grace Crawford

All images courtesy of Black Rhino, Delphi Productions, and Columbia Pictures.

For the latest installation in this summer’s series, “Movies Older Than I Am,” I decided to take a crack at the classic supernatural film that scared the pants off everybody with its story of possessed people and powers beyond the norm. I am, of course, talking about Ghostbusters.

In the film, as you probably know, three down-on-their-luck scientists (and Ernie Hudson) stumble across a ghost infestation in New York, and they decide to take advantage of the opportunity by marketing themselves as paranormal exterminators. This leads to the fame and celebrity, as well as to the discovery of a looming otherworldly being who’s determined to bring about the end of the world. Armed only with jumpsuits and proton packs, it’s up to these guys to save everyone.

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Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of… Doctor Frasier Crane

by Thom Yee

Images courtesy of Paramount Pictures

There’s little doubt in my mind that the movie director’s job is incredibly difficult and demanding. The level of vision and ability, the attention to detail and dedication to a cause must be incredible, and one need look no further than the end credits of pretty much any movie — packed to the brim with thousands of individuals who all had to come together to form what we’ve just watched — to get a glimpse of the enormity of the director’s duties. Having to deal with producers, delegate tasks to second-, third-, fourth- (and so forth) unit directors, direct hundreds of individuals in charge of things like decorating, costuming, grips and various other hanger-on duties, and appeasing the egos of fabulously wealthy actors would all be enough to leave any middle-management-type (say, like YOU, with the two- to four-member team you’re “responsible for”) curl up into a fetal position, ready to return to whatever womb-like structures you can in your attempts to find protection at the most primordial level. There are so many things to go wrong, so many variables in play far your beyond control and far more wide-reaching than the simplistic notion that having a good script will make for a good movie, and it must take an enormous amount of talent, perspective, and experience to put together something that entertains and stimulates. Even our most celebrated directors have their Godfather Part III’s (Coppola) Ladykillers (Coen Brothers), and Color of Moneys (Scorsese).

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by Grace Crawford

All images courtesy of Paramount Pictures.

Sometimes I feel like I missed out on a lot of critical high school experiences. I never did anything that would qualify as a senior prank (although a group of guys either dropped a couple of crabs down the school toilets or set them loose in the hallways; I’m always fuzzy on the details). I never went to any crazy parties, joined the glee club (my school didn’t even have one), or got a makeover and became the most popular girl in school overnight even though the beauty was inside me all along.

But most relevant to this review, I never skipped class for the sake of skipping class, or because I was in grade 12 and it was expected of me. So maybe that’s why I had a little bit of trouble identifying with the titular character in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

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