Opening this Weekend

The Divergent Series: Allegiant

Miracles from Heaven

 The Bronze

 Born to be Blue

 Happily Ever After

 Older than Ireland

 The Messenger

 The Smalls: Forever Is a Long Time

This Weekend’s Box Office Predictions

  1. Zootopia
  2. The Divergent Series: Allegiant
  3. 10 Cloverfield Lane
  4. Miracles from Heaven
  5. Deadpool

 What You Should See

Oh boy. Oh Divergent. Where do I get started on started on the Divergent series? Well, here and here (our reviews of the last two) would be a good start. I mean, no movie should feature the word “abnegation”. That’s not okay. People have been looking all over to prove the audience for woman protagonists and female leads, but if all Hollywood can come up with is the Divergent series, that’s just bad for women. There, I said it. As for Miracles From Heaven, the week’s other big release? Oh boy. Oh Jennifer Garner. Are you ever going to play something other than the boring mom? I mean, a much better, much newer, much hotter (much hotter!) Elektra shows up this weekend with Daredevil season two and you turn out this?

No, this is a week for the small movies, the all-or-nothing movies. Born to be Blue looks supercool, Happily Ever After might be alright, Older than Ireland could be something, The Messenger has a certain majesty, and even The Bronze, which is probably awful, has at least been called enthusiastically unpleasant. Which is much better than unenthusiastically unpleasant or enthusiastically pleasant. Also, cheers to The Smalls: Forever Is a Long Time for having a band member wearing an Edmonton Oilers Andrew Ference jersey (that takes balls), jeers for not allowing embeds of the trailer. Yeah, don’t let people put your trailer on their blogs. That’ll get people to watch your movie. Just for that, I also won’t link to your website, and good luck getting people to type in “The Smalls: Forever Is a Long Time” into a search engine. That takes forever to type.

Or, like I mentioned at the end of the first paragraph, you could just stay in and watch the new Daredevil season. It’s got a hot Elektra, the Punisher, ninjas, and everything.