by Grace Crawford

9×15: “Unpause”

This week’s episode began with a statement that we’ve become familiar with over the last eight years and that we all know to be true: “Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.”

Unless you mean The Mother going into labour in 2017 and Barney telling all his deepest secrets to Ted and Robin right now, that is.

This episode explores the idea of nothing good happening after 2 a.m. Ever since the time Ted totally cheated on Victoria and tried to hook up with Robin and ended up getting dumped by both, we’ve been wary of doing anything after that sacred hour. In 2017, Ted and The Mother’s unborn child doesn’t seem to feel the same, though, and he’s ready to pop. There isn’t much to this storyline, except that it’s nice to see Ted and The Mother’s married life and that they’ve already got an adorable little kid who’s about to be a big sister. And that’s pretty much all there is for them, so let’s move back to the present day–or, more accurately, night.

Remember how Lily and Marshall called “pause” on their big fight? They’ve agreed to leave it until after they have the sweet, sweet lovin’, so Marshall gets the bright idea to sex Lily into a coma so they won’t fight at all. And with the help of some illicit pharmaceuticals, he manages it–until Lily wakes up and they start going at it, except not in the fun way this time.

I was actually impressed by how logical and fair-minded they were both being, right up until the point when Marshall brought up San Francisco. If you didn’t watch season 1, you probably don’t know that Lily initially called off their wedding and left for an art fellowship on the other side of the country. It went terribly, she came home, and after a fair amount of apologizing and grovelling on her part, she and Marshall got back together, and everything was a fairy tale after that. Except now it turns out that Marshall never forgave her at all.

Lily clings to her dream, saying that Marshall went behind her back, but he cites her selfishness eight years ago–back before she married him, matured, and became a parent, I’d like to add–as justification for being selfish now. Understandably, Lily can’t handle that. She leaves the Farhampton Inn and is picked up by a mysterious stranger (who I’m guessing is The Mother, and you can quote me on that, if ever you found a reason to quote me for anything, which is unlikely, but I have delusions of grandeur). And we don’t know what happens next.

Personally, I think she’s going to go out and get faced with The Mother, and there’s going to be some serious conflict with Marshall for the rest of the season. It’s a little disappointing that we already know they’re together for the rest of their lives, which takes some of the danger and apprehension out of the story, but at this point, I don’t want Marshall to get slammed with a divorce for pursuing his dream. I’m mad at him, but nobody deserves that. So at this point, I’m just waiting to see how this will turn out and who will get to pursue their dream. (My money’s on Lily, because even though you don’t deserve a divorce, Marshall, I’m still mad at you.)

On a lighter note, we discover that Barney has several different stages of drunkenness. The furthest the gang has ever seen him is at a weird Jabba the Hutt-esque persona, but on this particular night, he’s passed through that into a “truth serum” stage. He’s spitting out answers to questions they’ve had for a long time, so Ted and Robin keep him filled with drinks until he gives them all the answers they’ve ever wanted to know. Here are just a few:

1. Barney only got to first base with Ted’s mom.
2. Robin(‘s family) is rich, but she never pays for anything.
3. Barney has been working with the feds to bring down the man who stole his girlfriend Shannon years before.
4. Barney’s job involves being the fall guy for any illegal activity that may transpire, because his job is literally signing every piece of paper that crosses his desk.

But the only bit of truth we really need to care about is that, yes, Barney is a little nervous about the wedding tomorrow. But he’s happy to be marrying Robin, and he knows he’s a better person because of her. I think that’s reassuring to Ted, who still hasn’t let go of her, because he knows that, even if he can’t have Robin, she’ll still be happy with a man who genuinely loves her and will always treat her well.

Overall, this was an excellent episode that more than makes up for last week’s travesty. Personally I didn’t need the answers to every question–I was much happier not knowing what Barney did for a living, and leaving that as a running gag–but here, when there are only five episodes left in this show, it’s time to start wrapping up the loose ends and closing up the story. Maybe we didn’t need to know everything, but the writers gave it to us anyway, and that’s a pretty thoughtful last gift.

Final Grade: A

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Items of Note:

• I don’t understand Lily’s calf fetish, but whatever floats your boat, I guess.
• Ted. Ted. Do not make jokes to a woman who’s crowning if you ever want to be capable of making another child.
• Annnnd there really is a bear at the end. I was really hoping there wouldn’t be an actual bear.
• I’m so glad I don’t have embarrassing things like Ted does. I mean, aside from that one graduation picture, and that drawing of a mermaid, and that audio recording of… ahem. I mean, I’M SO GLAD I DON’T HAVE EMBARRASSING THINGS.
• Also, on that note, can we just mention that the bag holding Ted’s stuff says “Shaker Heights Debate Team Fan Club.” I just… with that… I can’t. That is all.

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