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Opening this Weekend

Jumanji:  Welcome to the Jungle

Pitch Perfect 3

The Greatest Showman


Father Figures

The Shape of Water

Darkest Hour


Molly’s Game

All the Money in the World

Box Office Predictions

  1. Star Wars: The Last Jedi
  2. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
  3. Pitch Perfect 3
  4. The Greatest Showman
  5. Downsizing

What You Should See

Y’know, I remember a time this year, we’ll call it “August”, when there were no new movies worth seeing.  For an entire month!  A month when we didn’t write a movie review.  A month where I didn’t even see a single new movie.  A whole f*cking month!  And then this weekend, right before Christmas, we get seven major brand new movies, two more opening on Christmas, and all of them look like they might be worth seeing.  Okay, probably not Father Figures.  Actually, definitely not Father Figures (sorry J.K. Simmons; you’re still my favourite).  FML if I’m ever forced to see Father Figures.

That said, there isn’t a great deal of movies I really want to see opening this weekend.  By now you may have already seen Jumanji:  Welcome to the Jungle and/or The Greatest Showman since they both actually opened this past Wednesday, and, well… I’m not going to see them.  Probably not ever.  But I would give Pitch Perfect 3, Downsizing, and The Darkest Hour a shot, and my one big recommendation for the one movie you must see is The Shape of Water, the movie whose absence I didn’t quite regret, but I did both rue and lament its lack of opening two weeks ago when I was expecting it.  Now I don’t know when I’ll be able to see it.  FML two times!

On the other side of the movie world, Netflix’s Bright will also be available for your viewing pleasure, and while I can’t quite recommend it, it is hard to resist the allure of a new movie you can watch right in your home.  And finally, we have Molly’s Game and All the Money in the World both opening on Christmas day.  In the case of the latter I included both the pre- and post-Kevin Spacey versions of the trailer for the sake of posterity.  I would absolutely like to see both but can’t imagine any of us here at GOO Reviews will find the time to see them before our year-end review.  And that brings up a question I’ve always had:  Do people actually see movies on Christmas?  I mean, I’m sure some people do, there are simply too many people in the world for no one to be at the theatres, but is going to a movie on Christmas Day really a thing for normal people?  I wish I could go to a movie on Christmas Day, but I never get to do what I want on Christmas.  FML three times!

Yes, FML, FML indeed, FML, FML, FML!

And Merry Christmas.