Opening this Weekend

Gods of Egypt

Triple 9

Eddie the Eagle

A Perfect Day

Cartel Land

This Weekend’s Box Office Predictions

  1. Deadpool
  2. Gods of Egypt
  3. Triple 9
  4. Kung Fu Panda 3
  5. Eddie the Eagle

What You Should See

Look, I’m as easily offended as the next person waiting, hoping, and dreaming for their next chance to express specific outrage at broad social trends, so when I first saw the trailer for Gods of Egypt, I took it personally. Not because I’m Egyptian, not because I’m an actor or producer, and not because any part of it has any bearing on any part of my life. Oh, I wasn’t mad about all of these white actors playing Egyptians, I was personally mad to see that these crappy movies are still being made. Ladies and gentleman, for racial and ethical reasons, it is vitally important you don’t see Gods of Egypt this weekend, but it’s even more important that you don’t see it because it looks really, really bad.

Both Triple 9 and Eddie the Eagle actually look decent, but neither is burning up the critic charts, so I’m thinking they can both easily wait for home video. Actually, the more I look at it, the more I’m going to recommend A Perfect Day at the Princess. It’s got Tim Robbins!